The OC, June 25 thru June 28t is now officially known as "Jerry Armstrong Week." The Orange County Trail Runners had the privilege of training with the PCT50 2nd place finisher and all around speedy guy. Jerry was kind enough to write an extensive re-cap which you can find at the following address http://endurance4life.blogspot.com/. However, if you have upgraded to Windows Vista, you already know that all new Word files can be saved in what Microsoft calls “subliminal” format (.sblm); a great option that allows the author to see what they were really trying to say. It’s very similar to choosing "track changes."

While at Jerry’s Brazilian Badwater Endurance party on June 30th, we had the pleasure of invading his PC and downloading the subliminal version of his OC week re-cap file. Its complete and unedited contents we share with you below.

By Jerry Armstrong

I spent the last week in Anaheim {love the Sleeping Beauty ride at Disney, don’t you, it’s so fast} for some work-related training {a chef having problems with basting so I was learning how to become a master baster}. While I was there, I was welcomed {forced my way} into the Orange County Trail Runners club (OCTR) for some local training with members {movie stars, millionaires, gigolos} from the club {table dance}. I wish to publicly thank Charlie Nickell {my idol} and the rest of OCTR {bastards} for providing such quality {what a bunch of cra@#!} training while I was there {when do I leave?}.

On Monday I met with Charlie, Greg {man he has nice hair, maybe I can borrow some), and Keira (Real Housewife of Orange County?} for your typical after-work {post master basting} fun run….17 miles up and through the local {Everest} mountain range. I wasn’t in town long enough to learn {I’m ADD} the names of all these peaks and valleys {really hard cause there’s like four}, although I believe Monday we were climbing "Santiago" Peak. Mr. Santiago was quite generous with his long, steep {3-degree} climbs, and relentless downgrade on hard pack fire roads. Some local drunks {in-laws} added flavor by firing off some rounds from their rifles. Drunks and guns….this was the only thing I was familiar with {last year’s family reunion} during this 17 miles of death by fire road. Day one….4 hours of pounding.

On Tuesday, Day 2, I met with Kevin {tall Sherpa} and Jennifer {rested} for some "gentle rolling hills" in the City of Yorba Linda {the 909, @#%!}. Somebody named Charlie was on crack {sold it to him} when they formulated this as my recovery {sissy} run…. Kevin was excited {how does a two-mile loop sound?} to have a running partner that could “supposedly” run as hard as he does. He was a great host {Jerry, hurry up} and did just as Charlie {hypnotized} suggested….."Kill Jerry, Kill Jerry!" I tried my best not to die as we climbed {612 feet} up an over 3 hours of hills, hills, and hills {San Diego is one big conveyor belt}. How Charlie {Jimmy Neutron} was able to design a run that involves uphill the entire route is still unknown to me {Google Maps}. I got back to my hotel {Ritz Carlton} at 10 p.m., choked down enough El Pollo Loco to feed a Tijuana maquiladora {MILFador?}, and soiled my sheets {pay-per-view movie}.

On Wednesday, my “day off,” I hobbled out of my training class {more basting} and took a double dose of ibuprofen {Angel Dust}. Charlie provided directions to his house in Mission Viejo {close, Ladera Ranch}. I knew I was out of place because I didn’t have a Land Rover {I drive a motorized Hot Wheel that looks like a shoe box} or Starbucks {use badge for free mochas}. Like the description of the hills…..Charlie {intentionally} miscalculated the drive time to his house {mansion} by hours. I arrived just in time to attempt a recovery swim in his community {anthrax} lap pool before dinner. I was looking forward to sliding into the cold water and flushing out the lactic acid {Pepsi} that had accumulated during my two fun runs {OK, walks}. I waited in line and jumped in the water……Holy Jorge Pacheco {shrinkage}! The water was a cool 85 degrees {it’s a Jacuzzi, no lap pools in Ladera}. I suffocated my way through about 500 yards {penny dive} and began a focused {still ADD} effort to determine whether Charlie {not my idol} was intentionally putting me through this or he was just made ill by drinking to much "OC Energy {Blue Jolt Cola}." (Which I later learned had been recalled for containing trace amounts crack cocaine {and SPIZZ}).

After my refreshing swim {lathered up in pool}, I drove {Hot Wheel} to a local hangout where Dave Matthews’ retarded older brother {luv Spice Girls} was playing Bob Marley {hide pot} tunes. About 10 or more of the OCTR had gathered for dinner {AA meeting}…I do believe I was the excuse for everyone to gather {Jerry who?}. Everyone was incredibly friendly {OC fake} and I enjoyed the company {is this meal going to end?} of so many healthy minded people {pass the fries}. I met Jessica Deeline {not in Spell Check} for the first time {since Match.com} and she encouraged me to start my own group {SD Swingers}, "San Diego Trail Runners." I’d love to do it……and I was truly inspired by the quality {quantity?} of everyone in OCTR. The SDTR, however, will remain on the back burner {crack} for now. Thank you to everyone at OCTR that joined us for dinner. I owe each of you $4.54 {Happy Meal?} because I was ordered not to pay {forgot food stamps at hotel} for my dinner.

Thursday, as my schedule read {bus schedule}, was the hard run for the week. Great! My total mileage for the week was a modest {Charlie} 34 miles, but I felt like I had just run a 50-mile race. I was completely taxed….and now I was going to the "hard run." 2006 AC100 3rd place finisher Kyle Hoang {Jet Li} lead us out of the Holy Jim trailhead. I ran behind Kyle {alfa male} for a couple miles through a gradually increasing grade. My legs felt like they were encased in jello {Noxzema}. Just before I turned on my iPod {“sky rockets in flight, afternoon delight”} to, hopefully, zone out {like work} of my pending phy
sical crash, Kyle cheerfully said, "The hill starts just up here! And then it goes for three miles!"

Thanks Kyle! FU)*)%#@_$#)*%$)($)(K!!!!!!!!)

I was walking {normal} within 5 minutes {you had me at hello}…….Kyle was gone. The climb was called……. something like, Holy Horsetheif or Jimmy Santiago’s Canyon….not really sure {still ADD}. Anyway, it was brutal. Super hot {Greg that is} and actually quite unfriendly {Chaz}. Kevin marched behind me {“would you please move over”} although I gave him several opportunities to take the lead. Kyle was up the trail somewhere {sleeping}……..his Jims were working well, obviously. My Jims were trashed and I couldn’t find a justification except for the climbing I had done throughout the week. We topped out and ran a downgrade of fire roads that destroyed every other living {brain} cell in my quads. The final push was through a more familiar, single track {escalator down, cosmetics please}, downgrade of the "Holy Jim" trail. We finished in the dark {I live there} and said our goodbyes {later, freaks}.

Thanks again {hope you crash and burn} to everyone in the OCTR…I truly enjoyed your company {OCTR, Inc.?}. The trail running was intense {prostate exam}, but fun {prostate exam}, due to the positive vibe {Woodstock, what’s that smell?} that all of you bring to the run. If ever you decide to visit San Diego {must move} for training, I will perform Charlie’s executioner role and send you home like me, questioning your own existence {Philadelphia}……..with a smile on your face.

Run long and taper…

Your Friend,

Jerry (Witness Protection Program)